Haven't done a journal in a while, most likely because school is already sucking every last drop of life energy I have in my body. School, unfortunately, is like that sometimes...

For starters, there's just a lot of drama going on in my department already, and unfortunately I have seemed to have caught myself in the middle of it. You know when you're dragged into a conflict where you hate the people on both sides of it, but yet you have to just act unbiased to appease everyone involved? Yeah, that's basically me right now. It's just adding layers of stress that literally no one wants to deal with.

There's also been an intense heat wave going through right now. Like, it's hotter now than it was all summer. It's supposed to hopefully break by this weekend, but the fact that my dorm room has no AC sucks ass. At least the academic buildings do, but I don't always like to hang out in there unless I absolutely have to.

My social life has also been shifting and morphing in ways that I both like and dislike. I actually went to a party a few weeks ago! It was super fun, and thankfully it wasn't too overstimulating. I've also been talking to some of my favorite sophomores more often, which makes my heart so full of joy. On the downside though, the people who I've wanted to hang out with more I've realized I actually don't want to be around them. Not so much because they're bad people are anything, but they just give me a lot of anxiety, or make me feel really self-conscious about myself afterwards. I also was gonna try and talk to the girl I was interested in last semester, but unfortunately it looks like that's probably not gonna happen.

The thing with this school is that there are some pockets of good. My classes are actually fun this semester, and aren't as much intense work as they have been. There are some people I like to talk to, hell there are some people who I'd love tp be good friends with. But there's just so much that aggravates me. While there are people I think are cool, they're unfortunately more few and far between than I would like. There's not a lot of things to do that interest me, and what I do find to be fun and engaging just sucks out more time and energy than I can realistically spare. I don't like the downtown area of my school, even if there were more accessible ways for me to get down there, there's unfortunately not a lot to do than spend money on ugly artisan crafts and get wasted at bars. I know it's my paranoia talking right now, but I never feel all that safe despite the fact that its a small city. Maybe if I had a car I'd feel a lot differently about it, who knows.

I didn't mean for this to be a complainer, pity party once again. I think it's just because I'm tired and pissy because of the overwhelming heat and humidity. I'm going to keep trying to be social as much as I can. I'm going to keep going to club meetings, asking people to go to dinner, and just overall not hole myself up in my room and cry all the time. No matter how successful I am, I will be out of here sooner than I know it.