Sorry I'm writing this while also somehow being very high. I mean, I know why I am. How I got to this point. It's going into a Wednesday and I thought this was a good idea? I guess?

An odd thought, but I wonder if I'm actually as "high" as I think I am. I mean, aren't I just using some grass that's been mowed from the lawn as an excuse to act like an autistic asshole idiot? I'm pretty hyperaware that I'm writing things to a screen, so clearly that's what's happening right.

As I was writing that, it all smacked me down. Everything I said above is a lie and a mistruth. If you feel it, you feel it. Sure, there's a difference between fighting it and accepting the fact it's happening. But high is high, no matter how far up the ladder you are.

I'm the kind of autistic person who'll watch list videos when I've smoked a bit. Not even like WatchMojo kinda stuff. I'm talking some guy is showing you gameplay footage from the same game but different console/computer kinda shit. It's like a baby sensory video but made just for me.

I'm also kind of the autistic that'll listen to ambient music. Like I'll listen to a drone for hours when I'm high. I think it's almost a form of stimming. I honestly will play drone music in my headphones while walking to class. I'm not really listening to it, or feeling it, but it's there as a way to keep my ears happy. Unfortunately regular music can be too much for me.

Oh the numbness is kicking in now? What joy.

Ok how the fuck did I smoke this much? I swear it was not a lot. I think it's because it's a strain a different friend of mine help me get. This I think is more potent. It's gotta be.

I also have the munchies REAL bad. I know I've been hungry and kinda not eating as much as I should, or enough that actually makes my stomach happy. I honestly really want dinner. Not snacks, I mean that I have a hot chicken curry in the fridge. I'd go heat it up but 1. If I get out of this bed I'm gonna smack the floor with my face and 2. It's actually vindaloo and if I eat that right now my insides are going to throw a fit.

Only 13 minutes have passed since I checked the time. I know it's taken me way too long to write words, but time is definitely going faster in my head than in the real world. I think I should just go to bed.

this is going to be too embarassing to post. who even cares though?